Back to China

No, we do not have any more travel plans!  I just wanted to finish narrating the rest of our trip before I forget it all.  So far I've only written about what we did through Thursday afternoon of our first week there, and we did do some interesting stuff after that.

Friday morning we went to Daming Lake.  Part of it costs money, but they have recently developed another part of the lake and it is free, so we went to the free part.  The picture of Daniel carrying Esther on his back is, I think, the first time he gave her a piggyback ride.  It did my heart good to see her wanting to play with him and him happy to oblige!  You may notice in some of the pictures that you can barely see some buildings fading off into the distance.  They actually are not that far away, but the latter part of our stay in Jinan was the worst air quality I think I have ever experienced there...and given that we lived there for two years, that is saying a lot!  One day I was standing at one end of Quancheng square and couldn't even see the buildings at the other end.  The air looked misty...but it was far too warm, and it didn't smell anything like mist.  Ugh.  Anyway, we wandered through many paths of the lakeside park, enjoying attractive views and looking for a little beach area that friends had told us about.  After a long time of wandering during which kids (mostly the bigger kid) were starting to complain, we finally gave our friends a call to ask how to get to the sandy play area, and found out that it was very close to where we had entered but in the opposite direction from the way we had walked!  So we headed back, with Daniel complaining about the long walk and Esther begging to swim at the beach.  We stopped to watch a bride and groom getting wedding photos made at the lake (we passed no fewer than three couples in wedding attire on our way out) and, at Daniel's request, took a picture of them.  So now we have a random picture of a bride and groom-to-be among our family photos of the trip.  As we got close to the entrance we had come in at, it started to rain.  So, much to Esther's disappointment, we cut our trip short and headed back to the hotel.

Friday afternoon Daniel and I headed out to the Xinua bookstore on Quancheng Lu to look for an electronic translator, having determined that Daniel could not use either of the dictionaries we had brought to find the words he wanted to say.  This time I found the correct street, and we arrived at the store without any trouble.  We passed a Starbucks along the way, a new addition to Jinan since we lived there!  I had envisioned us stopping in and buying a Jinan city mug while we were in the city, but alas, we never made the time to do so.  Anyway, we got to the bookstore, asked for directions to the translators a couple of times, and finally found them on the third floor.  The person behind the counter was very nice and wanting to be helpful, but I could not understand most of what she was telling me about the features of different translators.  Naturally, I had neglected to bring my dictionary along, so I was limited to the vocabulary that I actually know.  I could understand the price, and so we looked at a couple translators in my price range.  The one I liked most let me type in English and let Daniel write (with a stylus) in Chinese characters.  Then it would translate the input language and, at the push of a button, read the results out loud.  Daniel didn't have to strain his eyes to use it, and it did a good job translating the couple of test sentences that I put in.  However, I wanted to know more about what we were getting before I plunked down eighty or so dollars for it, so I told the employee we would back, and we returned to our hotel.

Friday evening Tim's colleague picked us up in his new car and drove us to a very nice restaurant to have dinner with his family.  His son is now studying in a boarding high school during the week and is only home on the weekends, so this was our chance to see the whole family.  It was really good to see them all again.  Tim's colleague's son has gotten tall and handsome, and very well-spoken.  He is interested in the sciences, maybe astronomy.  (Given that both parents are scientists, that's not too surprising!)  He will take the highly competitive national college entrance examination soon (I think this year), so he does not have time to do much besides study.  The meal was delicious, although it took some doing to order enough food to qualify for the private room they had reserved.  We ended up with way more dishes than a party of seven could possibly eat.  (But the leftovers went home with them, so I don't think they went to waste.)  That restaurant's peanuts in old vinegar (one of my favorite Shandong dishes) were amazing!  Esther evidently thought so too, as she kept eating and eating them.  I was a little disappointed as I wanted some more myself--and then a second dish of them appeared!  So I got to eat as much as I could hold.  :-)  Daniel got rather restless during the meal, but found a socially acceptable outlet for his energy in jumping up to take emptied dishes to the little window in the wall that we were served through, and picking up new dishes as they came in and bringing them to the table.  Esther was also restless and had no such outlet.  I got a little more aggravated with her than I should have.  Eventually I took her for a walk down to the first floor and back, and later Tim's colleague's wife took her for a walk.  Tim's colleague's son took Daniel for a walk at one point.  On the one hand, the meal took a long time, but on the other hand, being as it was our only chance to see these friends, it ended too soon.  They left us with a gift for both kids, and then Tim's colleague drove us back to our hotel.  I very nearly feel asleep in back seat, I was so tired.  (We were still a little jetlagged at that point.)

Funnies

Since we now have two children who love making people laugh, I thought I'd share a few of the things that have made me laugh recently.

Daniel likes to complain, often with great drama and flair.  One expression that he uses a lot is that he's about to die of something (hunger, exhaustion, heat, etc.)  I don't know if the expression has any more force in Chinese than somebody in this country saying "I'm starving!" but it tickles me to hear him use it.  So one day I said to him, "I think your health must not be very good."  He asked, "Why?"  "I answered, "Because you're often about to die of something!"  He laughed.  Later that day we were discussing his upcoming doctor's visit.  He asked why he had to go, and I said it was for the doctor to check how his health is.  He said, "I think my health has a little problem."  Wondering anxiously what undisclosed medical information was about to be revealed, I asked him what the problem was.  He replied, "I'm often about to die of something!"  He got me good on that one!

Esther is learning a lot of Chinese from her brother.  Her pronunciation is beautiful, but she doesn't always know what she is saying.  Like a couple of nights ago.  She came running out of her room to say good-night to Daniel, and held up her arms to be picked up.  When he did, she wrapped her arms around his neck and said sweetly, "Nide jiao hen zang."  ("Your feet are very dirty.)

One day shortly after we arrived back from China, Daniel was sitting in the kitchen with me while I made lunch.  I was about to turn on the blender and didn't want him to be startled by the noise, but I didn't know how to say "It's going to be loud!" or "I'm going to make a lot of noise!"  So I settled for, "Be careful of your ears!"  Only instead of "Xiaoxing nide erduo" (be careful of your ears) I said "Xiaoxing nide erzi" (be careful of your son).  He thought it was very funny, and now he says it all the time.  For example, when he was trying to follow me with a shopping cart in the grocery store and I got too far ahead he called out, "Xiaoxing nide erzi!"

We bought Esther a new-to-her child's standing easel with a chalkboard on one side.  She announced to Daddy that she was going to teach him something, and asked him what he wanted to learn.  He replied, "Physics."  So she stood up by the easel and informed him, "The earth rotates" (making a rotating motion with her fingers).  Sometimes she really surprises us with the stuff she comes out with!

Recently, Daniel said something in Chinese that included the syllable "pi" (pronounced "pee").  Esther exclaimed, "Daniel just said "pee!"  He shouldn't say that!!"  So I explained to her that "pi" in Chinese means something different than "pee" in English, and he had been using it in Chinese.  Daniel asked me for a translation of what we were saying, so I filled him in on what "pee" means.  Naturally, he enjoyed the joke thoroughly.  A day or two later he was talking with a "teacher" (actually, I think, one of the directors of the orphanage!) who is currently in the U.S., and they were discussing his English learning.  I heard him ask her, "Hey, do you know what "pee" means in English?"  Oy.

Last night Esther was pretending to talk on an old telephone.  She said to Tim, "It's my Mama.  Do you want to talk to her?" and handed the phone to him.  He "talked" for a minute and then handed the phone back.  She put her ear to the phone, made a surprised face (as if there was no longer someone on the other end), and asked him sternly, "Did you push buttons?!"

dedication

We had Daniel dedicated in church last Sunday (a week ago).  We would ordinarily have waited, but we found out right after we got home that our beloved pastor is leaving to follow a God-sent opportunity in another state, and we wanted to have the dedication done by someone that we have a relationship with.  I explained to Daniel that we were going to promise to teach him about Jesus and to ask Jesus to help us do a good job of raising him, and that the other people in the church were going to promise to help us do that.  I said that we would all go up front and our church friend (I wasn't sure what the word for pastor was, and didn't have my dictionary handy) would talk for a while and then pray for us.  Daniel seemed to feel comfortable being up front (he has had lots of experience being in front of an audience, with his singing background!).  He did whisper to me a few times to ask what our pastor was saying, and I had to keep telling him to ask me later, since I wanted to be able to listen to it in the first place!  Our pastor talked about how we believe that God has put our family together, and how God will continue to be with us as a family.  Our church always uses a rose at child dedications, which they give to the family afterwards.  Daniel's rose was white because, our pastor said, he is pure and innocent in God's sight.  It was encouraging to us to be reminded of these things that we believe.  At the end of the ceremony our pastor started to hand the rose to us, and Daniel cracked everybody up by exclaiming (in Chinese), "That's mine!!" and stepping forward to take it.  :-)  I guess it's now a family tradition for our children to grab something when they're dedicated.  At Esther's dedication, she tried to grab the pastor's microphone!  Shy, our children are not.  :-)

orphanage visit

Time to take a trip back in time a few weeks and recount our visit to Huang-huang's orphanage!

We have a Chinese friend who is very competent in English, is used to working as a go-between between foreigners and Chinese people, and has set up visits for foreign volunteers to the Jinan orphanage in the past.  And, she is not at all beholden to the adoption "system," so I trust her to translate our questions and their answers accurately.  So I asked her if she would be willing to serve as our guide on that day.  She agreed.  The guide we were using for our official adoption business offered to arrange a van for us.  I didn't realize on the time that he was going to drive it himself.  So it was a little bit weird having our usual guide with us but not officially acting as a guide.

Anyway, at the appointed time we all set off on the hour-long drive to the new orphanage.  During the drive, I asked our friend to read a couple of letters to Huang-huang that we had sent to him, but he had not gotten before the day he met us.  His reading level was not high enough to read them on his own, and I wanted him to know what they said.  (One explained why we had picked the English name "Daniel," and the other described some of our family rules and habits.)  He listened to the letters intently and indicated that he had understood them.  The other thing I had been hoping our friend could explain was what we are doing when we pray.  Huang-huang had been part of our family prayers at meals and before bedtime, and was completely and utterly confused as to why we were all closing our eyes and one of us was talking into the air.  He asked me several times what we were doing and I was not able to explain (being as it would have required first explaining the existence of God).  So I asked our friend if she could explain to him what we are doing when we pray, and while she was at it, could she explain the gospel?  Since we had already finished all our adoption paperwork, it was perfectly legal for us to teach him our beliefs (it is generally illegal to share one's faith with children under 18, unless they are part of one's own family), and we knew it might be a while before we got another opportunity.  So she gave him a run-down of what we believe as Christians.  Apparently it was all very new to him, but he was very interested.  When she had finished explaining, she asked him if this relationship with God was something that he wanted for himself, and he said yes!  So after getting my permission, she prayed with him to accept Jesus.  Now, I know that his understanding is still limited, but I had been praying for him to have an open heart, and that prayer was certainly answered!  Since then he has made several comments along the lines of "I have a father in heaven, too," or "I thank God for X."  He also really likes us to pray, and generally asks me to translate what we prayed about.  I am trying to figure out how to teach him more.  He can't read any of the Chinese Bibles that we have gotten for him; he just doesn't know enough characters.  We do have a CD of Bible stories, though not the actual text.  I will have to check with our Chinese fellowship in Maryland; I'm sure someone there can point me to resources.  I just haven't had/made time to contact them since we've been back.

Anyway, back to the orphanage visit.  Daniel and our friend had just finished their momentous conversation when we pulled up to the orphanage.  (Actually, Daniel spotted it as we were about to drive right past it.)  It is brand spanking new--they just moved in late May--and very impressive!  I can't remember exactly what happened when we first entered the main building, but I think Daniel pulled us over to an elevator and took us to the floor where the various directors have their offices.  We went into one office and the director exclaimed something about us not having called to say we were coming.  (It had already been arranged that we would visit on Thursday, but apparently she had been expecting us to call and tell her what time.)  So after a little waiting and flurrying, another director was gathered up and we went back down to the lobby, where a photographer with a VERY fancy camera appeared and started snapping pictures.  There was some standing around, and some conversation in Chinese.  I overheard one adult ask Daniel "Are you happy?" and he answered that he was.  I read the English signs posted over the two hallways that led off of the lobby, and occupied a few seconds wondering what the "trembling babies room" was.  Then another director-type person appeared, and our friend told me that Huang-huang had been saving his "Ya Sui Qian" (the money that children receive in red envelopes on Chinese New Year) and wanted to donate it back to the Social Welfare Institute.  Apparently he had said that the orphanage had taken care of him for fourteen years, and now he wanted to give something back to help out the younger children.  So he ceremonially handed his envelope (which I think one of the directors had held in safe-keeping against this event; I'm pretty sure he did not bring it with him when he met us) over to a director, and the photographer snapped pictures.  The director asked him if it was okay to use the money to buy clothes for the "little brothers and sisters," and he agreed that that would be good.  I almost got a really good picture of him and the director gazing fondly at each other, but I didn't get the camera out quite in time.  (This was also about the time that I realized our camera card was out of memory, so I occupied part of the time in the lobby trying to find old pictures to delete so that we could get new ones.)

Eventually, our little group moved down the right-hand hallway.  We passed between big, well-lit rooms.  On one side I saw two sleeping rooms, one with lots of toddler beds and one with cribs.  Some of the cribs had babies in them.  On the other side was a room where the floor was covered in soft mats and there were toys.  Many toddlers and some ayis were in this room.  At this point Esther discovered that she needed to go to the bathroom, so we were ushered into the bathroom next to the playroom.  It had several stalls with Chinese-style toilets, and the last stall had a toddler-sized Western-style toilet.  Esther was very excited to find a toilet that was just her size.  While we were in there, we talked a little bit about the babies she had seen and why they were living there.  She understood that they had been born into families, now live with other children and ayis, and may be adopted into different families in the future.  I was glad we got to go down this hallway, because one of the things Esther had particularly wanted to do in China was to meet babies.  And while any babies would probably do (Esther loves babies!), I do think she was specifically thinking of the pictures we have of the babies in her own Social Welfare Institute.  When we came out of the bathroom, Daniel was talking on the phone with one of his teachers.  So we all stood around in the hall for a while waiting for him to have his conversation.  I saw a toddler just outside the door of the playroom looking at us curiously.  Then suddenly, four or five toddlers were erupting in all directions, quickly followed by a harried ayi.  She grabbed one, scolded another, and dangled keys in front of a third as an incentive to return, but none of the little ones were having any of it.  Now that they were out, they intended to go exploring!  But with help from a couple of the adults in our party, and the little ones were rounded up and returned to their play.  I think I understood one of the directors to tell our friend that the new playroom is much bigger than the old one, so sometimes while the ayis are busy at one end of the room, the children will escape from the other end (there are two doors).  I had been asked by a waiting family if I could ask about their soon-to-be son while I was there, and I had a feeling this might be his hallway, so I figured it would be a good time to ask.  I didn't know the tones of his name, so it took them a couple of minutes to be sure which child I was referring to, and then they said, "Sure, you can see him!"  So they brought him out of the playroom, but he was not happy to be brought out and started crying.  I did get a picture of him to send to his family, but not a very good one.

Pretty soon Daniel's phone call was finished, and we could move on.  Daniel grabbed my hand and pretty well dragged me out the door, across an airy walkway, and down some steps to a door marked number 5.  He knocked, the door opened, and we were surrounded by people exclaiming and excited to see him.  It took me a few minutes to get my bearings, but eventually I learned that we were in an apartment-like setting where a group of seven boys lived with a foster mother and father.  The foster parents were an older couple who I guessed had already raised their own children to adulthood.  The boys were of varying ages, with the youngest being maybe seven and Daniel seeming to be oldest by several years.  Somebody told me that the foster parents had cared for children in their own home previously, but when the orphanage had moved they had moved with it.  I don't know yet how long Daniel had lived with them.  The apartment itself was very nice.  When you first walk in there is a sort of foyer area with the foster parents' bedroom opening off of that.  Then you walk down a hallway between a kitchen and a bathroom, and find yourself in a living room.  The living room had a wooden couch and chair and coffee table, and in one corner was a soft mat with some building toys on it.  Three bedrooms opened off of the living room.  We got to see the one Daniel had slept in.  It had two beds and two desks with the owners' possessions neatly lined up on them.  I don't know how many of these apartments there are, or which children get to live in them.  I asked someone who decides which children will live together in a group and I was told that one of the directors decides.

After saying goodbye to Daniel's foster family group, we returned to the main building and went upstairs to the older toddler and preschool hallway.  We saw a line of children walking from one room to another, each intently grasping the shirt of the one in front.  Soooooo cute!  Two of Daniel's friends, older children who had grown up in the SWI and gone on to become ayis, worked in this hallway, and in a few minutes they were able to join us in a sort of conference room.  They chatted with Daniel for a bit while we were pointed to a picture of him that hung on the wall and to a craft that he had made (an enormous beaded apple).  We were given the apple to take home with us.  Then we took a picture of Daniel with his friends, they gave him their skype contact information, and he gave them a couple of little gifts that we had brought.

Then we were hurried into the hallway, past a fabulous soft play area (which Esther really, really wished she could play on!) and down the stairs to the lobby, where abruptly, we found ourselves saying good-bye.  I assumed that it was the directors who had called an end to our visit, and I was surprised, since I had really thought they would want to give us a tour of their impressive new facility.  (I found out later that our driver had an important meeting in Jinan that afternoon, so my working hypothesis now is that he was the one who said we had to go...which I'm quite unhappy about if that is the case, since he was the one who volunteered himself to go with us that day.)  I had carefully put together a list of questions that I wanted to ask somebody and I hadn't asked any of them yet, so I asked the directors if they had a few minutes for questions.  They agreed without hesitation, and didn't seem in any rush to get rid of us.  I sent Daniel outside with Tim and Esther, and got to talk privately for a few minutes.  (Esther really struggled on this visit; it was hard for her to have her wishes completely hijacked by everyone else's agenda, and to be mostly ignored while everyone fussed over her new brother, and after an hour of this she was neither a happy camper nor a pleasant one.)  I picked out some of the most important of my questions to ask, and while I didn't learn anything really surprising, it was good to get to have the conversation.  The directors told me that they had worked very hard to get Daniel adopted before the deadline of his fourteenth birthday, and that they were going to miss him.  One said, "We have known him since he was little, and now after fourteen years it is going to seem so strange not having him around."  I think this is the point at which I gave out gifts (but it may have been the first time we were in the lobby; things are getting blurry now!).  I had prepared gifts for three directors, but there were actually four.  The one that I hadn't prepared a gift for was obviously very attached to Daniel and was an important person in his life.  So our friend asked me if I had a gift for her and when I looked through the small gifts that I had brought in case we had occasion to give gifts to ayis, I found a pack of postcards of our state.  So I handed her the whole pack as her gift.  (I hope she doesn't mind having repeats of a few of the pictures!)  In this case, the fact of having a gift was more important than the actual contents of the gift, although I am glad that the postcards were particularly pretty and there were a lot of them.

When we all went out to get in the van, the directors all came out to wave goodbye.  One of them (the one that I gave the postcards to) was actually in tears.  We can tell that Daniel has been well-loved.

It was quite a morning.  Our whole time at the Social Welfare Institute I felt off-balance, never knowing quite what was going to happen next, who we were going to meet, what we were going to do, whether we were going to hurry or wait.  I didn't get a tour, didn't get some of the pictures I would have liked, and never took any video at all because I never got around to asking if it would be okay and I didn't want to get in trouble for taking video without permission.  And poor Tim's visit was even less informative, given that he spent most of it keeping a grumpy Esther contained while I tried to keep up with Daniel.  But, it was a visit that I am so glad that we made.  I think it was important for Daniel to get to see all these people who have been so significant in his life, and to introduce us to each other.  It was good for us to see how much some of the adults in his life care for him.  And we learned a few more bits of information about Daniel's life prior to us.

On the way back in the van Esther perked up a little bit.  And then she cracked us all up by telling our driver, with great authority, "Tim and Linette would like to stop at a restaurant."  And that afternoon we were all very happy when naptime came.

Just a few pictures

Here are a few pictures from our first week at home.  The first one is of Esther roller-skating.  We don't seem to have any of Daniel riding a scooter, but he tried out Esther's scooter, and he is good!  He told me it was his first time riding one; if that is so, then he has amazing balance!  

The other two pictures are of Esther's fourth birthday, which happened this past Sunday.  It was kind of a weird day as we were all still off schedule.  Esther took a long nap and we spent a lot of time watching The Incredibles in Chinese in English.  By the time the birthday cake was ready to eat, it was early evening and Daniel was already passed out on the couch.  I woke him up to sing "Happy Birthday / Zhu Ni Shengri Kuaile," after which he went straight to bed.  He had decided earlier in the day that birthday cake is too sweet and he wasn't going to eat any.  So it was just the other three of us eating cake and opening presents.  I don't think Esther minded having all our attention to herself.  We wound up the day by going outside and playing for a while with her most favorite present, a T-ball set.  She is quite pleased to be four now instead of three.  She also liked the distinction of having a birthday.  She told me several times throughout the day, "I'm the birthday child!"

a conversation about Esther

So much I want to write and so little time!  But I at least wanted to update everyone on our jet-lag and share a conversation that I had with Daniel today.

Jet-lag:  We are doing so much better!  The night that I wrote about how little sleep we were all getting, we turned a corner.  I think the latest anyone has slept is still 6 AM (and that was Daniel, and it only happened once), but we are feeling pretty normal until evening rolls around.  Hurray for that!

And, the conversation.  Daniel talks a lot about how naughty Esther is.  However, he doesn't seem terribly upset about it, and I know that the Chinese word often translated as "naughty" is not entirely negative.  (In fact, a former student of mine told me that people think a child Esther's age is more adorable if they're a little bit naughty.)  This morning he asked me why Esther is so naughty (he asks "why" questions as often any preschooler I've ever known!), and I told him that maybe it's because she's four and maybe it's because she's not used to have a big brother.  A little while later he asked me what she was like before.  I told him that she did used to listen a little better than she has been lately!  Then at lunch we had the following conversation, as best as I can remember (and translate!) it:

D[aniel]: Esther is cute!

M[e]: She's cute some of the time.

D:  She's not very cute when she cries.  Or when she hits me.  But sometimes she's a lot of fun.  She was fun when she pulled off the cabbage leaves.  [He made stir-fried cabbage for lunch, and he let her help by pulling off the leaves.  She was a very happy little girl!]....Mommy, I've very patient with Esther.  When she slaps my face or pulls my hair or hits me, I don't kick her or yell at her, I just say, "Get down."

M:  You really are very patient with Esther.

D:  I don't like it when she hits me, or cries.  [We have had issues with Esther coming up to Daniel and spontaneously hitting him, then when he pushes her away she will either come crying to a parent or boil over with righteous indignation and hit him harder.]

M:  Did your little brothers at the orphanage [he was part of a group of children that included a lot of small boys] ever hit you?

D:  If they did, I hit them back.  But I don't hit Esther, because she's fun.  The two of us are a lot alike.  [Here he explained how they're alike, but unfortunately I didn't understand it.  I see a lot of similarities myself; they really are well-matched!]

M:  I think the two of you have similar senses of humor.  You both like to tease people.

D:  laughs

Well!  That was quite a conversation.  It was fun being able to talk about feelings with Daniel.  But boy, if the only reason he's so tolerant of Esther is that he thinks she's fun, I'm sure glad that he thinks that!!

Jetlag strikes again!

At 7:15 P.M., I came into the living room from starting the dishwasher and discovered Esther spread-eagled on the living room floor, out cold.  Daniel had already been sacked out on the couch for some time.  I went downstairs to check on Tim and found him at least in the bed he planned to sleep in, but fully dressed, and sound asleep.

The latest I've woken up out of the past three nights is 3:43 AM.  That was last night.  Three nights ago I was awakened at 3:30, courtesy of Mr. If-it-has-a-button-I-will-push-it.  I didn't even know our Weather Channel indoor/outdoor temperature reporting monitor had an alarm function.  But I know now!  Then two nights ago Esther woke up at 12:30 and could not get back to sleep for anything, even though I made her stay in bed in the dark.  I have been getting daytime naps, but...need I say that I'm tired?  Meanwhile, Daniel went to bed two nights ago in his closet (he explained later that it was dark in his closet, and he had wanted to go to sleep in the dark) and made it through the night.  He repeated the all-night sleep last night.  So he has not been napping much, which means Tim and I have to stagger our naps.  Oh, I will be happy when we are all on the same schedule!